Welcome to this year's Garb Age Collection
Greetings, Ladies and Scrubs!
My name is Lukella DeVore, and I am the proprietor of this anti-establishment. Welcome to Garb Age, the world's most dangerous brand.
To usher in this year's Garb Age Collection, we are ending 10 lives with this advertisement.
Wait... why are you doing this?
Because in 10 years, you will forgive us.
The same way we forgave Volkswagen. Remember who originally founded that company? It was literally Hitler.
And yet there they are, on the road, and we act like they are a respectable company (well, not really respectable).
Or how about Apple? Ever heard of Foxconn, manufacturer of Apple's chips? This is a place so lovely that when they found out an inordinate number of employees were throwing themselves out the window to their deaths, they took immediate action.
They built a net.
Because the message they wanted to send was simple: Killing yourself is fine. But you don't do it on company time.
So, since violence is an acceptable avenue for advertising, we here at Garb Age decided to do it right. And rather than export the misery, we figured we would manufacture it right here in America.
We're giving away ten couture jackets for FREE! Well, it's not really free. But you won't be using anything as frivolous as money...
To qualify, you only have to do one thing:
We're looking for recovering drug addicts who can go through our submission process, which ultimately culminates in your continued addiction. As per the submission process, your first payment will come in the form of your 100 day token. Our lawyers wanted to let you know that you are not buying a jacket with your drug use. If you choose to continue your addiction, we are gifting you this jacket.
CLICK HERE TO APPLY
Edit: it looks like one of our winners is trying to game the system. Anyway, for those who aren't in recovery, this might be just the opportunity you were waiting for.
*Though we appreciate the dedication of those of you who are writing in that you have started drug use again, unless you go through the official submission process, you must be disqualified. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.
And in case you were wondering what you can win...
The Yellow Jacket
Here it is. An army flight jacket with some high-tech features. A flap over the bicep opens up for easy access, and a built-in belt can be used to tighten the flow of blood. Also, check out the bands for holding a lighter, spoons, and needles.
It's the best thing you'll ever pawn at three in the morning.
Thank you all for stopping by! If you aren't able to get one of these jackets, don't worry. Once the countdown reaches 0, the next Garb Age fashion will emerge. So just watch that countdown and be excited!